Wow. Um... an update. >.>;;
Jun. 16th, 2020 02:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
autobotdenI am REALLY bad at keeping a journal.
Some things that have changed since my last entry...way back in November of 2018.
I've had TWO psych doc changes (I'm on number four now. For some reason, I don't go past a year with a specific psych doc before they either have to quit or they get offered a new job elsewhere *shrug*), a medication addition, (so that's two Antidepressants), a dosage change on the one (Down to 20mg, where I was taking 30 for the longest time), I've gotten a new therapist (my last one, who was the one I worked with from 2016 to when she left for a better position), I've given myself a mohawk, I've gone PINK at one point, and now I've got blue hair... I've made a resolution to try and work on getting in better shape, but with the COVID stuff and the fact that June is shaping up to be hotter this year than last year (Just last week, the street pavement was hot enough that I could feel it through the soles of my shoes!).
This year is also the fifth year that my boyfriend and I have been together. June 27th, I believe, is our official anniversary for dating? I know it was the 10 year reunion of my graduation, but eff me if I can remember the exact day. But that's really not that important in the grand scheme of things, I guess.
I've found some of my birth family, through 23andMe, and through searching adoption reunion sites. I have younger siblings, two sisters and a brother. And a few cousins on my birth dad's side. I would, sometime, like to visit them all. I need to write to my siblings at some point.
I am still fighting to get disability, because my physical health continues to decline (as in my back, knees and ankles are getting worse), and because even though I've been applying to jobs almost daily, nothing in my area will even interview me, and all I've been getting lately is either ignored outright or a rejection letter in my inbox. Mentally, I'm kind of feeling down, but I am 99% sure it's due to a combination of the restrictions on travel and convention-like gatherings, plus not being able to be away from my parents for more than a couple hours every couple weeks. I mean, yeah, I don't really "do" "social outings" anyway, but even I NEED time with mah peeps every now and then that isn't an over-the-internet thing.
I've taken to those food powder stuffs that are meant to be like nutritious shakes and such... one, 'cause I like stirring foodstuffs/drinks around and around; two, they are actually healthier than a lot of stuff that my folks buy; three: they're actually covered by EBT! So I can get the ones I like at Walmart, and I can get oatmilk at the local stores, and I can get all of it without having to make regular trips to take pop cans. I've found the ones that I like best are the fruit and vegetable-based ones, like the "superfruits" one, the "Collagen" blend, and the "Superfruits & Fiber" blend. I also like the energy blend, and the Moringa one (though that one, I always have to add sugar to whatever I mix it with, 'cause it is BITTER). I'm also drinking more water (Shush. unsweetened, no-sodium, flavored sparkling water counts). so now I just need to get better about exercising, 'cause I've got the eating healthier part down.
Things are still rocky with the folks. Mom, especially. She... let's put this nicely, she's very intense at times. And doesn't respect personal space. I honestly wonder if she's not got a narcissistic personality, because damn if she doesn't tick a lot of the boxes.
I wish she could afford therapy through her insurance, 'cause she REALLY needs it. She'll likely never admit it, but she was also the victim of abuse. Her folks spanked her and her sisters, even though she never got 'The Belt'. And she continued that trend of abuse with the sibling (I refuse to call him my brother, because he stopped acting like someone I want as a brother a long time ago) and me. I have received the end of a wooden mixing spoon before, and I've been hit on the head by her. and I've been spanked with her hand. and Dad's. I cannot tolerate unexpected hands anywhere near my face or head as a result.
If I could, I'd sue her and dad for damages.
Moving on though... I've started making dice, and soon, I hope to have regular stock up on my Etsy shop. I've also started working on getting everything I need for my SCA Garb (My persona is a Viking lady, specifically a Maer, who is middle-class in terms of wealth). I wish fabric wasn't so expensive, 'cause I need wool and linen for my dress and my head covering. I've got turtle brooches en route, along with a few other things I need for both my Garb and for business-related things.
I'm gonna stop rambling for now...
Stay safe, Black Lives Matter, and ACAB.
Some things that have changed since my last entry...way back in November of 2018.
I've had TWO psych doc changes (I'm on number four now. For some reason, I don't go past a year with a specific psych doc before they either have to quit or they get offered a new job elsewhere *shrug*), a medication addition, (so that's two Antidepressants), a dosage change on the one (Down to 20mg, where I was taking 30 for the longest time), I've gotten a new therapist (my last one, who was the one I worked with from 2016 to when she left for a better position), I've given myself a mohawk, I've gone PINK at one point, and now I've got blue hair... I've made a resolution to try and work on getting in better shape, but with the COVID stuff and the fact that June is shaping up to be hotter this year than last year (Just last week, the street pavement was hot enough that I could feel it through the soles of my shoes!).
This year is also the fifth year that my boyfriend and I have been together. June 27th, I believe, is our official anniversary for dating? I know it was the 10 year reunion of my graduation, but eff me if I can remember the exact day. But that's really not that important in the grand scheme of things, I guess.
I've found some of my birth family, through 23andMe, and through searching adoption reunion sites. I have younger siblings, two sisters and a brother. And a few cousins on my birth dad's side. I would, sometime, like to visit them all. I need to write to my siblings at some point.
I am still fighting to get disability, because my physical health continues to decline (as in my back, knees and ankles are getting worse), and because even though I've been applying to jobs almost daily, nothing in my area will even interview me, and all I've been getting lately is either ignored outright or a rejection letter in my inbox. Mentally, I'm kind of feeling down, but I am 99% sure it's due to a combination of the restrictions on travel and convention-like gatherings, plus not being able to be away from my parents for more than a couple hours every couple weeks. I mean, yeah, I don't really "do" "social outings" anyway, but even I NEED time with mah peeps every now and then that isn't an over-the-internet thing.
I've taken to those food powder stuffs that are meant to be like nutritious shakes and such... one, 'cause I like stirring foodstuffs/drinks around and around; two, they are actually healthier than a lot of stuff that my folks buy; three: they're actually covered by EBT! So I can get the ones I like at Walmart, and I can get oatmilk at the local stores, and I can get all of it without having to make regular trips to take pop cans. I've found the ones that I like best are the fruit and vegetable-based ones, like the "superfruits" one, the "Collagen" blend, and the "Superfruits & Fiber" blend. I also like the energy blend, and the Moringa one (though that one, I always have to add sugar to whatever I mix it with, 'cause it is BITTER). I'm also drinking more water (Shush. unsweetened, no-sodium, flavored sparkling water counts). so now I just need to get better about exercising, 'cause I've got the eating healthier part down.
Things are still rocky with the folks. Mom, especially. She... let's put this nicely, she's very intense at times. And doesn't respect personal space. I honestly wonder if she's not got a narcissistic personality, because damn if she doesn't tick a lot of the boxes.
I wish she could afford therapy through her insurance, 'cause she REALLY needs it. She'll likely never admit it, but she was also the victim of abuse. Her folks spanked her and her sisters, even though she never got 'The Belt'. And she continued that trend of abuse with the sibling (I refuse to call him my brother, because he stopped acting like someone I want as a brother a long time ago) and me. I have received the end of a wooden mixing spoon before, and I've been hit on the head by her. and I've been spanked with her hand. and Dad's. I cannot tolerate unexpected hands anywhere near my face or head as a result.
If I could, I'd sue her and dad for damages.
Moving on though... I've started making dice, and soon, I hope to have regular stock up on my Etsy shop. I've also started working on getting everything I need for my SCA Garb (My persona is a Viking lady, specifically a Maer, who is middle-class in terms of wealth). I wish fabric wasn't so expensive, 'cause I need wool and linen for my dress and my head covering. I've got turtle brooches en route, along with a few other things I need for both my Garb and for business-related things.
I'm gonna stop rambling for now...
Stay safe, Black Lives Matter, and ACAB.
no subject
Date: 2020-06-16 08:05 pm (UTC)Good to "see" you again. *hug*