Rambling, Raving Madwoman

I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Wizard (6th Level)


Ability Scores:

Strength-12

Dexterity-11

Constitution-12

Intelligence-14

Wisdom-15

Charisma-12


Alignment:
Chaotic Good A chaotic good character acts as his conscience directs him with little regard for what others expect of him. He makes his own way, but he's kind and benevolent. He believes in goodness and right but has little use for laws and regulations. He hates it when people try to intimidate others and tell them what to do. He follows his own moral compass, which, although good, may not agree with that of society. Chaotic good is the best alignment you can be because it combines a good heart with a free spirit. However, chaotic good can be a dangerous alignment when it disrupts the order of society and punishes those who do well for themselves.


Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.


Class:
Wizards are arcane spellcasters who depend on intensive study to create their magic. To wizards, magic is not a talent but a difficult, rewarding art. When they are prepared for battle, wizards can use their spells to devastating effect. When caught by surprise, they are vulnerable. The wizard's strength is her spells, everything else is secondary. She learns new spells as she experiments and grows in experience, and she can also learn them from other wizards. In addition, over time a wizard learns to manipulate her spells so they go farther, work better, or are improved in some other way. A wizard can call a familiar- a small, magical, animal companion that serves her. With a high Intelligence, wizards are capable of casting very high levels of spells.


Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

I am REALLY bad at keeping a journal.

Some things that have changed since my last entry...way back in November of 2018. ( Rambling under the cut )



Stay safe, Black Lives Matter, and ACAB.

I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Ranger (5th Level)


Ability Scores:

Strength-13

Dexterity-12

Constitution-13

Intelligence-16

Wisdom-14

Charisma-14


Alignment:
Chaotic Good A chaotic good character acts as his conscience directs him with little regard for what others expect of him. He makes his own way, but he's kind and benevolent. He believes in goodness and right but has little use for laws and regulations. He hates it when people try to intimidate others and tell them what to do. He follows his own moral compass, which, although good, may not agree with that of society. Chaotic good is the best alignment you can be because it combines a good heart with a free spirit. However, chaotic good can be a dangerous alignment when it disrupts the order of society and punishes those who do well for themselves.


Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.


Class:
Rangers are skilled stalkers and hunters who make their home in the woods. Their martial skill is nearly the equal of the fighter, but they lack the latter's dedication to the craft of fighting. Instead, the ranger focuses his skills and training on a specific enemy a type of creature he bears a vengeful grudge against and hunts above all others. Rangers often accept the role of protector, aiding those who live in or travel through the woods. His skills allow him to move quietly and stick to the shadows, especially in natural settings, and he also has special knowledge of certain types of creatures. Finally, an experienced ranger has such a tie to nature that he can actually draw on natural power to cast divine spells, much as a druid does, and like a druid he is often accompanied by animal companions. A ranger's Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.


Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

First and foremost, I highly recommend reading "Matchstick Theory" by Psarah Alice. That is the most apt description of energy levels for chronic pain that I've found. It also applies quite nicely to mental illness.

Now that that's out of the way... I have Depression and Anxiety. I also happen to be "High-Functioning" Autistic. I'm not an expert on Chronic Pain, so don't flood my comments with nonsense about that. I'm just basing this off of my own personal experiences.

As I said, I have Depression. I went undiagnosed for a very long time, because at the point in my life I was at, it was mild, and I could just power through the bad days. I was also younger and dumber back then. I didn't know much about self-care, I didn't know much about mental health stuff. I've learned since then.

One thing I've learned is that for me, emotionally, things can be quite like riding on an old school wooden roller coaster. Ups, downs, the occasional curve that rattles you to the core, but fairly predictable. Anymore, it's a baby coaster, with fairly tame ups and downs, and few to no curves. This is due to a weekend at a crisis stabilization center, medication, a lot of therapy, a medication change, a lot of introspection, learning to recognize my moods and symptoms, and learning coping skills.

Speaking of learning... Something that I've had to learn, which surprised me, is that mental illness is often accompanied by physical symptoms. For me, it manifests as fatigue and body pains. These can get more intense if I push myself too far, or if it's too hot, too cold, too humid, super sunny, or a combination. If I have to run errands in the summer (here in the Midwest, summers can be brutal during the day), I try to run them before it gets too hot, but I don't always have that option. When I don't have the option to do what I need to do during the cooler hours of the morning, I put myself at risk for what I've come to think of as a Crash.

Crashes are where my body just refuses to go on. I become extremely fatigued, I can't think right, I can't focus. Words are hard to get out, even in writing, which is usually the medium in which I am most articulate. My emotional state may be stable overall, but I get anxiety symptoms in the from of restlessness and twitchyness. My only option is to rest, to sleep and try and reset for the next day. Sometimes, it just takes one long rest to reset.

Sometimes, the Crash lingers for a second day. And sometimes, the Crash will trick me into thinking I've recovered, only to come back with a vengeance the next day, after I've gone and done something that takes a fair amount of energy.

Crashes are extremely frustrating for me. I have chores that need done, I have hobbies that I want to devote chunks of time to, I have jobs to apply for, I have apartments to research. When a Crash happens, all that has to go on pause. I don't like feeling like I'm not doing what I'm "supposed" to be doing. But Crashes are also important. They remind me that I need to remember to take time to practice self-care, in the form of resting. They remind me that I am human, and that as a human, I need to stop and rest, and not try to do more than I am capable of.

It just happens that what I'm capable of isn't the same amount of activity as I was when I was younger and not dealing with mental illness. But that's okay. I do what I can with what I have. I'm getting better at preventing Crashes, but I know I can't prevent them all. The best I can do is to try and take care of myself.

it started with me in the town square, then I went into this one store that apparently sold games and toys, and I was looking for a Transformers game for the 3DS, then I saw a toy of a character from a Transformers show that I'd never heard of, then it turned into the opening scene from said show...

a really beat up G1-ish Optimus was sitting in a repair tank/chair thing, and this tan girl with wide lips and a big nose, and cheery eyes, who was wearing some kind of futuristic armor or exosuit type thing came to talk to him, then she plugged a cable into part of him and promised she'd get him out of there. Apparently, she was his adopted daughter, 'cause she called him Dad, and then there were alarms going off and explosions and then she was running to get to a ship... and apparently one of her friends was Chip Chase, and he was wearing a similar exosuit/armor thingy...

So I was on a farm with my cousin, Becky. She looked as I remembered her looking when we were kids, and all of a sudden, there were these creepy, giant black spiders. They looked a bit cartoonish, and were spinning webs all over the trees and were trying to trap us. We were each armed with baseball bats and made a break for the road, squishing spiders that attacked us as we went.

As we ran through the fields, the spiders started exploding into lots of little spiders, and continued to increase in numbers. We ran into a section of road that had pine trees on either side, with branches overlapping, and at one point, one of the spiders squished into this black goo that started reforming into a humanoid shape.

As we ran, some of the spiderwebs started forming words in response to what Becky and I were saying to each other, and I started talking in gibberish just to mess with the spiderwebs, and then the sky stopped being visible through the tree tops as more and more spiders spun webs. I got separated from Becky, and it was like night time as I ran through the tree tunnel.

The next thing I knew, the left side of my body was going numb, and my mouth was swelling on the left hand side, and I slowed to a stop for a moment. Then I got frustrated and tried to keep going, because I knew I'd been bit by one of the spiders, and that I had to keep moving. I think I was half-awake at that point, because I kept looking over my shoulder and could see the south-facing window in my bedroom, but it looked like it was in the tree tunnel, too.

Then I woke up, and looked to the window, expecting the darkness, only to be met with a bright, sunny day.

Yes, I know I'm lousy at the whole "daily journal" thing. ( Rambling beneath the cut )

So earlier tonight, Dad sent me to get him Kentucky Fried Crap for his dinner, and out of the blue, he hands me a $5 as a tip.

...His meal cost him $8.01 before the $5 tip. He tipped me 62%.

It's currently 91F/33C out. it's not even summer properly yet, and already it's summer-like. *melts*

So I entered a giveaway for Copic Markers... They claim I'll get three extra entries for every person who clicks the link... we'll see.

This is the link I was talking about.